Tag: being present

Is This the Most Loving Thing?

What if we started asking ourselves periodically throughout our day “Does that feel like the most loving thing for myself?”

What if we started to ask ourselves that question every time we make choices and decisions, big or little? Would it change things?

Would we do things differently? Would our lives be different?

Doing the most loving thing doesn’t mean doing the easy or most comfortable thing. It means becoming present to ourselves, tuning in, to see what the best choice is, the most loving choice in any particular circumstance.

We all have that quiet inner voice that tells us what is right for us whether it’s a big decision or a small one.

  • Is drinking that cup of coffee the most loving thing for my body right now?
  • Is continuing to work in that environment the most loving thing for me or should I look for another job?
  • Is staying with that man or woman (even though he/she has lied to me) the most loving thing for me?

It may be the most loving thing to stay.

The thing is, it’s not about blanket judgments, but about learning what is best for YOU.

Each of us has a unique path on this earthly journey. Your way is probably not your neighbor’s way. Your friend’s choices are probably not the right ones for you.

Here’s an example:

Carol, a strong, independent career woman, found out that her husband was cheating. She had proof, but he continued to deny it.

Carol went into a tail spin, crying, despairing, cursing……she looked for solace in their teenage daughter, sharing details that were way too intimate.  Her work suffered, she neglected herself and her friendships. She felt destroyed. She planned to leave him.

Her daughter finally told her to stop feeling sorry for herself and make a decision. (Something a teenage daughter probably would say)

Hearing this from her 16 year old daughter stopped her in her tracks. In a moment of clarity she saw the truth in this and re-connected with her Self.  Factual, realistic and calm, she made the decision to stay…… it seemed right to her.

Finding their way back together was rough. She had to make the choice daily, hourly sometimes, but she knew she was on the right path. Slowly, through their shared interests and focusing on the good things between them the wounds began to heal.

Now, 10 years later, she is again that strong, clear-headed woman. She has lots of friends and is involved in many activities. Her relationship has evolved and is easy going with plenty of laughter.

For Carol it was the right decision to stay, even though she didn’t get closure because her husband never acknowledged the pain he caused. She listened to her inner guidance.

It’s a different story for Hannah:

Hannah was initially completely charmed by her husband’s ability to have incredible philosophical conversations. They practiced yoga and meditated together. Being quite the intellectual and very spiritual, this kept her interested and fulfilled for a long time.

She didn’t notice his unbelievable selfishness for years; that he never really helped, nor supported her endeavors. How he made her pay for everything, while he kept his money for things he wanted. How he went away to be with other women and said he couldn’t answer her calls because he didn’t have good phone reception.

When she finally began to see him for who he is – it was a very slow process – she became overwhelmed with the mess her life had become and was filled with despair. She beat herself up for not seeing it sooner. She wanted him to leave.

After agonizingly painful months, she chose to stay. She didn’t see a way out for herself. She told herself that he needed her and couldn’t make it on his own.

Today, although still together, they barely speak; she has lost all her inspiration and ambition. He hasn’t changed. They are simply co-existing.

Can you see why Carol’s decision was loving and Hannah’s was not?

Carol made the decision from her center, her strength; she listened to that still small voice. Hannah, on the other hand, was unable to connect with her Self, she was afraid to listen to that voice and chose from fear.

Those are major decisions in our lives.

But every day here are a million smaller decisions to tune into to learn which choice is the most loving for ourselves.

Don’t ever feel guilty about taking care of yourself. There’s a difference between honoring your path and being selfish.

If you don’t honor yourself, you may find you have nothing left to give, to yourself or others.

When we pay attention, we notice that all day long we are being guided by that little small voice. It may be difficult to hear at first, it’s very gentle and soft, never demanding.

The more we acknowledge it, however, the easier it is to hear. It is our loving inner guide that wants to support and help us on our journey.

We may feel tired and want to skip the workout, but something within urges us to do it anyway.

Sometimes we feel a nudge to make conversation with that stranger next to us, but we don’t. That very conversation may bring the answer to something we’ve been wrestling with for weeks.

Or we feel stressed over a situation and keep doing, doing, doing to try and fix it – when the most loving thing is to just take a break and do something enjoyable.

The more we can tune into ourselves, become mindful of this available guidance within us, the more we hear it. We are developing mindful self compassion. The kinder (instead of harsh and critical) we treat our soul in this physical body the smoother life becomes.

The more we learn to listen to our unique voice, the less we judge others. Our compassion and understanding grows. We develop clearer boundaries in our lives. We learn to trust and find peace, because we discover that all is well.

To learn to find your inner voice, contact me

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Why all this Mindfulness talk…..now?





It seems that the Mindfulness conversation is everywhere.

Why now, I wonder? After all, Jon Kabat Zinn PhD., a microbiologist, started his research in 1979. He initiated a weekly practice with patients from the Massachusetts Medical Center, which he called Stress Reduction. He quickly discovered how powerful and effective mindfulness practice is. Yet it seems to have taken almost 30 years to become well known.

Could it be that we have to run faster and faster to keep up with life? We are constantly connected and have to respond. There is very little down time, if any. People have to eat fast, walk fast, talk fast and even sleep fast.

Stress and Anxiety have increased. Young people, children even, feel anxious and stressed. If, in addition, you also grew up with parents who generated anxiety in you…..well, then you are just a mess.

So, I think, we have reached a place of desperation. Desperate for some calm, some peace, some downtime, a way to really feel our lives. Only we have no clue how to go about it anymore.

Hence, Mindfulness has reached momentum. I think that is fantastic!

This simple, yet powerful practice re-balances us, physically and emotionally. We re-learn to focus on the present moment, which is all there ever is. Instead of worrying about the future and ruminating on past events, we begin to simply notice without judgment….gently, lovingly.

Mindfulness …..although I wish I could come up with another name……. is by far the most powerful, miraculous process to heal physical and psychological issues I have ever experienced. There is no shortage of things I have tried personally and in my practice, therefore I feel that I have some authority to comment on this.

Everyday people have had amazing, almost mysterious success. A client of mine with serious arthritis found relief when he started practicing mindfulness meditation. The simple act of being present in the body, listening, observing non-judgmentally can bring to the surface what the body needs to heal itself.

It’s possible, with mindfulness, to shift decade old belief patterns that keep us stuck and fill us with despair. Frequent feelings of hopelessness can bring us to the brink of suicide. Often, in my experience, some of the most gregarious acting people shock us with the decision that they cannot continue with life.

But!!! – our brains are not hardwired, the neural connections are in reality very plastic! Jon Kabat-Zinn calls it neuroplasticity. Therefore, the brain can actually learn to decrease the messages that send despair and hopelessness and increase messages of calm and joy.

Mindfulness affects the structure and neural patterns present in the brain.

I was convinced that psychotherapy was the only way to learn to change. I believed we had to learn the origin of our thoughts and beliefs, talk about them and learn to change them. It is long and laborious, but understanding the origins of our dysfunction seemed the only way out for a long time.

Yet…….mindfulness is the alternative!

It is necessary to recognize our patterns and habits, but when we are willing to pay attention, they will rise to the surface.

Here are just a few research cases, if you are a scientist at heart and need evidence for its effectiveness.

A 2012 TEDxCambridge talk in which Dr. Sara Lazar, Neuroscientist of Harvard Medical School describes her research on meditation and increased cortical thickness.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8rRzTtP7Tc&list=PL_XZQmAKJPU9t1pNGe6ESfFxF2RLI_uYn

In 2003, for example, scientists from the University of Wisconsin-Madison examined a group that included alumni of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s eight-week course. They found that when they received flu shots, the meditators’ immune systems produced more antibodies in response to the vaccine than did the non-meditators.

In a 1998 University of Massachusetts study, patients with psoriasis who meditated while receiving ultraviolet treatments for their skin healed four times faster than the control group—regardless of whether they had any previous meditation training.

Another study (2007) reported by Greg Flaxman and Lisa Flook, Ph.D., showed better stress regulation with Mindfulness. They measured a faster decrease in levels of the stress hormone cortisol after a stressful laboratory task, among Chinese undergraduates after 5 days of meditation training at 20 minutes a day. These students also reported less anxiety, depression, and anger compared to a group of students that received relaxation training.

A University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill study (2004) demonstrated a correlation between mindfulness practice in couples and an enhanced relationship. The couples reported improved closeness, acceptance of one another, autonomy, and general relationship satisfaction.

So, wherever you are struggling in life, there is hope…..and it isn’t some complex, difficult process. It’s called Mindfulness Practice.

Click this link to set an appointment http://www.mindfulnessevolution.com/appointments/ or check out upcoming classes http://www.mindfulnessevolution.com/events-and-classes/


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New Beginnings




I wish you a wonderful Christmas Season and a Happy New Year.


As we enter yet another New Year, we will continue to see many changes on our planet and in our personal evolution. I’m sure many of you wonder, “what is the point of this? Is it really just about rushing around, getting stuff, doing stuff? Are we getting anywhere?” I am more and more aware of the importance of my relationships with the people I care about.

Yet our hectic lifestyles can make it difficult to be present, to be in the moment, to deal successfully with issues to which we need to pay attention. Learning to be mindful, releasing painful thoughts and memories are essential skills for dealing with the ever increasing demands on our time.

For those reasons, my team and I have been working on a way to bring some peace and healing to you beginning April 1st. See more http://www.mindfulnessevolution.com/peru-retreat/

Healings in Peru

We have created a powerful workshop where you will learn to create inner peace, experience the sacred places of Peru and learn to become a bridge for others. In this setting of ancient wisdom, we will come home to our truest selves. Mindfulness and forgiveness are an intentional discipline of being focused and present, which keeps us from drifting into fear, self-doubt, pain and constant stress. It frees us and we finally come to know inner peace. With that sense of inner peace, you’ll find yourself happier and free of the impact that negative energy of all kinds has on your life and health. A bonus is that you’ll find that others are much more attracted to you.

Come join us. To learn more http://www.mindfulnessevolution.com/peru-retreat/


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