Category: Reality


emotional pain




Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of your pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them.” Iyanla Vanzant

I couldn’t say it any better.

This is the truth!

In all my years on this planet, I have not found an easier solution.

Most of us will not experience God’s grace the way Paul did in the Bible (1 Corin 15:10) Grace is God’s unmerited favor. It is a miracle that shifts our old way of thinking and makes us new.

Most of us will have to do the work while practicing faith and patience.

It will be different for each of us, but we have to deal with the wounds. We cannot cover them with a smile or false laughter; they will find a way to creep into your life when you least expect them.

This life, your life will reflect your choices made from that unconscious state created by your wounds.

Each day you are faced with choices.  Your life, as it is now, is made up of choices that you made in the past.

These choices will ultimately reveal the real you.

The sum of your life will show your thoughts, your beliefs, your character.

Do you choose to care about others, or only about your pleasure and comfort? Do you choose to try to get by, take shortcuts or put in the time and effort? Do you choose to stay open and learn or do you stay with your fixed perspective? Do you choose gratitude or complain and find fault? Do you choose lies or honesty? Do you choose defensiveness over vulnerability?


What has happened in your past?

If you discover that you are living a selfish life, ask for courage and look at what happened that made you feel so empty that you cannot consider others! Open this horrible, deep wound of rejection and abandonment within you, look at it (you will need help from someone), shine some light on it and begin the healing.

I’m not going to promise that doing the work means that you will live happily ever after, but you will find a deep peace and joy that will forever elude you if you choose denial. You will discover a strength and a faith that will help to create a richer, more meaningful life.

For additional tools for Personal Growth go to is the most complete guide to information about Self -Improvement, Personal Growth and Self Help on the Internet. It is designed to be an organized directory, with articles and references to thousands of other Web Sites on the World Wide Web.

REALITY: Objectivity is Subjective







Life is a subjective experience and that cannot be escaped.

This truth is becoming more and more clear to me.

I recently visited a friend who lives in a place of complete disrepair, dirt and discomfort.

In my opinion.

However, because I love her so much, I listened to her perspective of her home. She feels such gratitude for her heavenly, peaceful retreat. While she shared that she dreams of having a functioning kitchen, she simultaneously acknowledged the enormous improvements in her home already. She has a vision of what it is to become and in the meantime she is surrounded by her books, music, art and her home-made gourmet meals.

This was a powerful example to me that every experience I have comes through my own, personal, unsharable viewpoint.

There can be no peer reviews of my direct experience, no real corroboration. This has some major implications for how I live my life. The most immediate one is that I realize I must trust my own personal experience, because nobody else has this perspective, it is all mine.

Another is that I feel more wonder for the world around me, knowing that any “objective” understanding I claim to have of the world is built entirely from scratch, by me.

Of course I am influenced by my culture and environment. Whether I live in Indonesia, Africa or wherever, I will take on that culture’s viewpoint and thought-patterns. But overall what I build depends on the experiences I’ve had, the books I’ve read, and the people I’ve met.

This means I will never see the world quite like anyone else, which means I will never live in quite the same world as anyone else — and therefore I mustn’t let outside observers be the authority on who I am or what life is really like for me.

This means that I must stop judging others!! I absolutely, positively must stop acting as the authority on everyone’s life, because I do not know their viewpoint, background, purpose or goal in life.

This leaves me with the responsibility for my own life, determining what is right for me without hurting others, yet being discerning about what I want to surround myself with.

No one can tell me what I should do, nor can I tell anyone what is in their best interest. That is why a good counselor or therapist will listen, truly listen to your subjective life experience and elicit the best answer for you.

Subjectivity is primary experience — it is real life, and objectivity is something each of us builds on top of it in our minds, privately, in order to explain it all.

This truth has world-shattering implications for the roles of religion and science in the lives of those who grasp it.

This contemplation was written in conjunction with a piece by David of Raptitude.

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